Ring Ring!
by RazzleDazzleBaby
Summary: Phone calls that go on between Twilight characters! Fun to do role play with. Rated T for Language. Joint Story By me and Magik'n'Chaos.
1. Jake Calls 'Nessie'

**A/N**: **Hi guys, here it is. The first story on my account! **

**Before you start reading the fanfic, please remember that it wasn't just me who wrote this. Me and my best friend Bells96 wrote this as a joint story but its posted on my account. **

**Our inspiration was Rock'n'Slash. Her 'Phone Calls' story is great, better then ours. It had us in fits whilst we read it out together, so we figured we should give it a go ourselves! **

**Enjoy! X**

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**Jake calls 'Nessie'.**

Jake: Hey smexi!

*Long pause…*

Jake: You there Honey Bun?

'Nessie': I am very, very disturbed!

Jake: WTF! Edward?

Edward: Damn right! And hey, what do you mean 'smexi', that's not even a freakin' word!

Jake: Don't you think its lovely weather we're having today?

Edward: Jacob, its hail! Don't worry, I wont kill you.

Jake: *Hopeful voice.* Really?

Edward: No, no. I'll just call Bella!

Bella: Did you call me love?

Jake: Nooooo! Just kill me now! Do you know what? I'll even save you the trouble. Embry, get the chainsaw! *Cluttering in background*

Jake: Hey, I cant hear Bella having a sissy fit!

Edward: Nah, she's in her Ferrari… On her way to your house!

Jake: Shit!

Edward: No shit Sherlock…

Bella: You!

Jake: Ahhhh! *Hangs up*

Edward: My work here is done.

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**A/N:**** So there you have it. Short, and hopefully sweet? Review and tell us what you think!**


	2. Emmett Calls Alice

**Emmett Calls Alice.**

Alice: Hello?

Emmett: Alice!

Alice: Emmett!?

Emmett: Alice, you know how much I love you. As a friend. A sister. A fortune telling Pixie Girl!

Alice: I'm going to take that as a compliment… How much trouble are you in and what have you done this time?

Emmett: Pfft, trouble. Me? Naw.

Alice: Great, loads.

Emmett: Woah! Its like you psychic or something.

Alice: *Sighs* Why me?

Emmett: So listen Alice, be the good sister you are and please, whatever you do, _don't tell Rose_.

Alice: Uh, yeah. Funny enough, you see Emmett, your on speaker phone…

Emmett: Really? That's nice.

Alice: Good Lord Help Me! Rose is with me you Muffin-top!

Emmett: Crap! And was that a cuss?

Rosalie: Emmett Cullen how dare you!

Alice: And that's why my husband is better then yours. *Sniggers*

Jasper: *Whispering* _Don't tell her I'm here. _

Alice: GASP! Is he?

Emmett: Uh huh.

Jasper: Thanks Emmett.

Rose: Well now we certainly are not gonna bail you out! Jacob can…

Jasper: Now it's official, there's no hope.

Emmett: OMG! Are you psychic too?

Jasper: Jake! I've never been so pleased to see you, you've come to bail us out! Dude u was quick.

Jake: Nope. I'm being taken in.

Alice: Jeez Jake. You need help.

Rosalie: Jake, why do you need help.

Jake: Well…I saw this talking chicken and-

Rosalie: Oh no, you didn't start singing the fast food song did you?

Jake: Maaaaaaaaybe…

Alice: And with the actions.

Rose: You didn't!

Nessie: He did!

Rose and Alice: Nessie?

Nessie: Don't even- EMMETT N- *Smash*

Rosalie: What was that!?

Nessie: Emmett just smashed through the wall.

Rosalie: Oh right.


	3. Edward Calls Bella

**A/N:**** Yo Dudes and Dudettes. Just wanted to thanks 'Akela's Rose' for reviewing so quickly! **

**Enjoy! X**

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**Edward Calls Bella.**

Bella: Hello?

Edward: Hello love.

Judith: Hiiii!

Bella: Uh… Who's Judith?

Edward: My new… 'friend'. She's a chicken you know.

Bella: She? Wait, a talking chicken?

Edward: What can I say, Pancake and Flapjack are crazy.

Judith: Shizzbock!

Edward: Ha ha. Your so funny Judy.

Bella: OME, Edward! Your cheating on me with a talking chicken!

Jake: I told you there was a talking chicken! But did you listen? Noooooo-

Bella: Shut up Jake!

Rose: I'm just going to do what I always do when I think this family is extremely abnormal and go shopping.

Bella: You shop a lot.

Rose: Exactly. Bye.

Judith: I'm going too. See ya!

*Awkward Silence.*

*More awkward silence.*

*Old man walks by with a '20 minutes later' sign on his walker.*

Bella: Random.

Edward: Tell me about it. Have you seen Jake and Nessie?

Bella: No, they just said they were going to Jake's house…

*Pause.*

Edward: WHERE'S THE GUN!?

Bella: I'll drive.


	4. Alice calls Edward

**A/N: ****Ok, I know we kept you waiting but we had to get together to write it! **

**Enjoy our Children! X**

**Alice Calls Edward:**

Edward: What!?

Alice: Edward, why are you and Bella sneaking around outside Jacob's house?

Edward: Shhh! We're spying on Nessie and Jake.

Alice: Why?

Edward: They're home…Alone…TOGETHER!

Alice: Oh God.

Edward: Exactly, now shush. We're about to make our big entrance.

Bella: *Bursts through door* BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!

Jake: *Sobbing* Wahhhhhhhh.

Nessie: It's ok Jake, its Scooby Doo, its not real!

Jake: Scrappy's gonna die, I can see it!

Nessie: Jake, it's a kids film, no-one dies.

Bella: WTF.

Edward: Shit.

Jake: No shit Sherlock.

Nessie: Wait, Mom, Dad! Why are you here!?

Edward: You were home alone. Who knows what you two could've been doing!

Nessie: *Hand on head* Oh Sweet Nibblets.


	5. Jake Calls Bella

**Jacob Calls Bella:**

Bella: Hello?

Jacob: Yo Bellz! What-cha doooiiin?

Bella: Suuuuunnbaaathin'

Jacob: Bella, you're a vampire. Why are you sunbathing?

Bella: Alice, why are we sunbathing?

Alice: To maximise our crystallisation and shineification, duh!

Jacob: Waaait a minute, does that mean your all in bikini's?

Edward: Bella's in a bikini!? Where!

Nessie: I'm here too Jake.

Jacob: Flamin' Nora Eddy! We gotta get there soon!

Edward: You aint goin' nowhere with me wolfie boy! *Speeds off in shiny silver Volvo*

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**A/N: Ta-da! **

**Review and tell us if you like it!**


	6. RPatz Calls Edward

**A/N: ****Right guys, this one's a bit of a long one but we couldn't help ourselves! **

**Enjoy! X**

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**R-Patz Calls Edward:**

Edward: Hello?

R-Patz: Hi, is this Ronald, my agent?

Edward: No, its Edward Cullen. Who's speaking?

R-Patz: Robert Pattinson.

Bella: OME! I'm your biggest fan! I've watched all of your movies!

Nessie: No, I'm your biggest fan! Don't listen to that hoe bag!

Bella: I'm your mother, bitch! *Bitch fight*

Edward: Hey! Why aren't you bitch fighting over me like that?

Nessie: You're my Dad.

Jake: Bella, I told you he was a ninety-nine year old pervert, but did you listen? Noooo.

Bella and Nessie: Shut up Jake!

R-Patz: Okay… Nice to meet you and all, but I gotta go. See Ya!

Bella and Nessie: Robbie! Nooooooooooooo!

The Creators (RazzleDazzleBaby and Bells96): Our R-Patz senses are tiiingling!

Jake: Who the hell are you and what drugs are you on!?

The Creators: We are…God!

Jake: But there's two of you…

The Creators: Shut up!

Judith: What are your names almighty ones?

Creator One: The FanFiction republic know me as RazzleDazzleBaby, The idiot next me knows me as Pancake, The randomers know me as Bob, The guys know me as The Better Looking Twin, You know me as The-Annoying-Voice-In-Your-Head/ Creator One, And the plain retarded ones know me as YAZ! Over to you Biach.

Creator Two: The FanFiction republic know me as Bells96, The spastic next to me knows me as Flapjack, The randomers know me as Ke-ke-ke-ke-oh or the letter Ssssssssssss, The tree's know me as the squeaky noise two gherkins make when rubbed together, the clouds know me as Joe and the water divers know me as Isob the Bubble.

The Creators: And we travel by weresnail.

Timmy: Hi, I'm a weresnail.

Everyone else: Woooooooowwwww.

The Creators: So is R-Patz here or what?

Edward: No, he hung up.

*Emmett walks over*

Creator One: Its obviously all his fault.

Creator Two: Totally.

Emmett: Huh?

The Creators: We leave you now, young grasshoppers!

Jake: No, I'm a werewolf, not a grasshopper, silly's!

Everyone: Shut up Jake!

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**A/N: Wooh, that took a while to type up! **

**Review Our Grasshoppers!**


	7. Judith Calls The Cullens

**Judith Calls The Cullens.**

Esme: Hello, Cullen household.

Judith: Wazzup Ez!?

Esme: Judith! I'll put you on speaker.

Cullens: Hey Judith!

Judith: Bonjour Mesami! What you up to?

Carlisle: You own a dinner table?

Nessie: Jake gets 'Lonely'. He likes to be around people.

Jake: Mmm, Esme this roast chicken tastes great! You should make it more often.

*Silence*

Jake: What?

*More Silence*

*Tumbleweed rolls across table*

Judith: You've offended my coulture by being so chick-a-phobic Jacob! I shall go fly into a SHARP aeroplane PROPELLER now.

Bella: Jake, go apolagise to her before its too late!

Jake: But I'm scared of chickens!

Alice: GASP! But you're a werewolf, your not supposed to be scared of anything!

Jasper: *holding American flag* Jake, look at me, don't do this for me, don't do this for Alice, do this for all the chickens out there that are rejected by todays society. *Starts crying*

Rosalie: I'm going shopping.

Jake: You're right Jasper, Emmett, get my jetpack!

Emmett: Right-eo.

*Jake flys out of window.*

Edward: What did I miss?

Bella: Jake's flying off to find Judith before its too late and he fly's into a plane!

Edward: He does realise that chickens cant fly, right?

Everyone else: Woops.


	8. Tanya Calls Bella

**Tanya Calls Bella.**

Bella: Hello?

Tanya: Hi _darling_, its Tanya!

Bella: _You!_

Tanya: Yeah, _me_!

Bella: Why are you ringing me?

Tanya: I want you to bring me a penguin, room 206.

Bella: A) We live in _Forks_, not Antarctica! And B-

Tanya: Woops, I forgot about that. Make sure its pink.

Bella: WTF. No way in hell am I bringing you a pink penguin. I aint even room service!

Tanya: Fine. Eddddddddddddddddy!

Edward: *Sigh* What?

Tanya: Bella wont get me a penguin! *Pouty Face*

Edward: Uhhhh…

Bella: So what's it gonna be 'Eddy', Wife… or that!?

Edward: Hmm, crazy woman or crazy wife?

Esme: *Hand on Edwards shoulder* Welcome to the joys of married life son.

Carlisle: What's that supposed to mean?

Esme: ENJOY!


	9. Esme Calls Jasper

**A/N:**** Ok, if we say sorry a trillion times will you forgive us for not updating in like forever? Pretty Please : )? - - - Look, we even did the cute smiley!**

**So here is your unfairly long awaited Chapter!**

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**Esme Calls Jasper.**

Jasper: Esme! How's you're hunting trip with Carlisle going? _Catch any good mountain lions?_

Esme: Not yet, but it's going great thanks Jazz. I was just calling to check on you all and see how you are.

Jasper: Everyone's good. Me, Emmett, Edward and Bella are all sitting in the front room right now and Alice and Rose are upstairs.

Esme: Well where's Jacob and Renesme?

Jasper: I don't-

*Front door bursts open.*

Nessie: _AND YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUR, YOU'RE SEX IS ON FIRE!_

Jake: _Yeah Baby!_

*Both freeze as realise they aren't alone.*

Bella: Come again?

Nessie: What the- Mom? Dad? Emmett! Why are you all here!? You said you was all going out today.

Edward: We _was_ but I couldn't trust you alone with the _dog_, so we decided to stay to see if Bella was right by saying that you two could be trusted alone together for a whole day. Bella is evidently wrong.

Bella: Oh my god Nessie! You're going to turn into one of those skanky Moms who gets pregnant when they're like, nineteen!

Jake: I've heard that one before…

Edward: Zip it mutt.

Jake: Make me jackass!

*The two square up.*

Edward: Keep you're hands off of my daughter.

Jake: _Woops, too late!_

Nessie: JAKE!

Bella: Nessie!

Nessie: Mom-

Edward: JACOB!

Emmett: EMMETT!

Bella: WTF?

Emmett: What?

Bella: Why did you say your own name?

Emmett: Because we was playing the name game, duh! God Bells, and they say I'm thick!

Bella: *disappointed tone* Renesme Cullen, you've got some serious explaining to do.

Emmett: *snorts* Good luck with that…

Edward: EMMETT!

Emmett: Yay, someone said my name!

*Everyone sighs.*

Nessie: Mom listen to me, it's a song.

Bella: Mmm Hmm, I've heard _that _one before.

*Alice and Rose run down stairs*

Alice: Who was singing sex on fire? I LOVE THAT SONG!

Rosalie: OMG SAME, KINGS OF LEON RULE!

Bella: WTF, how does everyone know this song but me?

Edward: Nor do I love.

Jake: That means a lot coming from a one hundred year old vampire…

Bella: Seriously guys, I feel like a total outcast here.

Jake: Well Bells, don't forget you're too retarded to enjoy even _listening to the radio_.

Edward: That's it dog, you've gone too far!

Jake: *squeals* _YEEEEEP!_

*Edward and Jacob chase around the house until…*

_**SMASH**_

Edward: You're paying for that.

Esme: _Oh no, not my favourite PURPLE, BONE CHINA, INSANELY EXPENSIVE vase…_

Jake: Oh well, that **purple, bone china, insanely expensive-looking **vase was totally out anyway.

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**A/N: R&R Please oh ye faithful readers! X**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT OUR OTHER TWLIGHT CHARACTER CONVO'S, Interview's with vampires, POSTED ON **Bells96's** ACCOUNT!**


	10. Emmett Calls Edward

**A/N:**** Okay, Okay. We know the updates are infrequent and random, and our sorry excuse is school. We only meet on weekends and these take time to write successfully! So sorry to all readers, you'll have to bear with us now. Love you all .x**

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**Emmett Rings Edward:**

Edward: Hello?

Emmett: Uh…Edward…

Edward: What Emmet?

Emmett: You know me and Rose…

Edward: Unfortunately.

Emmett: Well we-, we kind of…'broke the house'.

Edward: What! That's the third time this week!

Emmett: I know I know but dude, seriously, you should've seen Rose! She just came up to me and grab-.

Edward: Ew! Just shut up Em. TMI!

Emmett: Two secs bro, I think Judith is home.

Rose: With a friend…?

*Enter Judith and 'Hooker Hen'*

Judith: Yo yo yo bitches. Where my crib?

Edward: They broke _our_ 'crib' .

Hooker Hen/Audrey: OMG, you lied to me Joe!

Rose: Joe? Don't you mean Judith?

*Audrey gasps and bitch slaps Judith.*

Judith: Baby wait, I can explain!

*Pancake and Flapjack (otherwise known as the creators) enter*

Pancake: Hold it _riiiight_ there mister!

Flapjack: *In tears* Judith. I cannot believe this. This is not the way we raised you young man.

Jake: _cough_- don't you mean woman?- _cough_.

Judith: Excuuuuuuuuuse me?!

Pancake: Oh boy, your in for it now…

Judith: Did you just call me a _woman_ asswipe!?

Jacob: Technically, yes.

Judith: _Ah hell no! _Hold my shit!

*Judith squares up to Jake*

Rose: Something is _very_ wrong here…

Flapjack: Enough. You! Home! _Now!_

Pancake: Calm down now hunny-bun.

Edward: I see who is the mother and who is the father in _this_ relationship.

Pancake: Excuuuuuuuuuuse me!?

Flapjack: *Yelling* **PANCAKE**!

Pancake: Coming!

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**A/N: LOL! And remember, like Flapjack says, green is an **_**extremely**_** motivational colour ;)**


	11. Bella Calls Nessie

**A/N: ****Wooh, double whammy!**

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**Bella Calls Nessie:**

Nessie: Hello?

Bella: Hey honey!

Nessie: Mom! What's up?

Bella: Ah, the usual. You?

Nessie: Same, bored actually.

Bella: How can you be bored with _Jake_ around?

Nessie: Jake is in bed.

Bella: At eight-thirty?

Nessie: Yeah, he wanted to get an early night after being on patrol bless him.

Bella: Oh…Bless?

Jake: WAAAH!

Nessie: Jake baby, are you okay?

Jake: Look at me Ness, I'm all in cold sweats!

Bella: Doesn't he mean hot?

Nessie: Aw, don't worry snookums-

Bella: Snookums?

Nessie: -it was just a dream.

Jake: Yeah, and the best one I've ever had!

Nessie: Oh really, who was it about? *Fluttering eyelashes*

Jake: Flapjack.

Bella: *Hand on head* Doh!

*Pancake silently enters*

Pancake: hey, sorry to barge in on you but-

Jake: *Girlie as 'humanly' possible* AHHHH!

*Everyone just stares.*

Jake: What? She made me jump.

Nessie: Excuse him, continue.

Pancake: Have any of you guys seen flapjack?

Jake: Flaaaaaaapjaaaaaaack…. *dreamy*

Nessie: Argh, she was in him dream.

Pancake: Oh, not again! Okay thanks.

Nessie: Again? Hey wait!

Pancake: POOF *Then vanishes*

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**A/N: He he, jokes dude. R&R you little rebels : ) x**


	12. Nessie Calls Bella

**A/N: Didn't keep ya waiting that long now did we? Thanks for all of the reviews, they really make us smile.**

**Enjoy! X**

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Bella: Hey Ness.

Nessie: Hey Mom.

Bella: Where are you?

Nessie: Well, I'm with Jake, Rose and Emmett. We're just visiting-

Jacob: OMF, donkey rides!

Nessie: Oh boy.

Bella: OMF?

Nessie: Oh my flapjack, he's been saying it all week.

Jacob: One ticket for a ride on the…hmm which one? The russet colour donkey!

Horse Owner: Uh…sorry sir but you're too big for this now.

Jacob: *Eyes filling* What?

Owner: You're too old for donkey rides.

Random Kid With Annoying Voice: Goodness gracious mother dearest. I want a ride on the pony!

Jacob: IT'S A DONKEY!

*Kid runs away crying*

Kids Mom: Just ignore him Gertrude, he's an imbecile!

Nessie: She says it like he actually _knows_ what imbecile means!

*Silence as flock of birds fly past carrying a sign saying: 'Awkward…'

Jacob: Pleaaase! It'll be our likkle secret : ).

Owner: DUDE, YOU'RE LIKE SEVEN FEET TALL! DO YOU WANT TO KILL THE POOR DONKEY?!

Jacob: Well, when you put it like that… *lip trembling.*

Owner: Let me tell you something kid. If you don't back away from the donkeys _now_, the Boogie Man _will_ come and get you!

Jacob: AHH, NOT THE BOOGIE MAN! *Jumps into Nessie's arms crying.* WAAAAAAAH!

Emmett: OMG ROSE, DONKEY RIDES!

Rose: Why me?

Emmett: One ticket for a ride on the…_albino _donkey.

Owner: SWEET NIBBLETTS BOY, YOU'RE TOO BIG FOR DONKEY RIDES!

Emmett: *quivering lip* Okay…no need to shout.

Owner: Kids these days…

Emmett: WAAAAH!

Nessie: I'm having a strange sense of déjà vu…

Rose: Emmett, stop showing me up. You cant even cry!

Emmett: OMG, I CANT CRY!

Rose: You twat!

Nessie: Mom, I'm gonna have to love you and leave you. I have to deal with _two_ 'crying' men_!_

Bella: *snorts* Good luck with thaaat…

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**A/N: He he! **

**IMPORTANT NOTICE****: REVIEW, OR THE BOOGIE MONSTER **_**WILL**_** COME AFTER YOU!**


	13. Judith Calls Alice

**A/N: Wazzuppp! Thanks for all the reviews again, the boogie man wasn't needed in the end (well, for the majority! ). And 'MiseryRain' , we've replied to your review : ) x**

**Enjoy! X**

* * *

*All Cullens in the garden being sparkly.*

Alice: Hello, Alice Hale bitches!

Judith: *sighs* Hey Alice…what's going on?

Alice: We're just in the garden being shiny right now, well, apart from Jake and Nessie, you?

Judith: At home…Alone…With no hooker hen beside me…

Alice: Ew.

Edward: WTF, am I loosing my sanity or are there two horses coming towards us?

Esme: Edward, we live in Forks, not the Grand Canyon!

Bella: I think he's right…

Jake: FLAPJACK!

Nessie: Good lord help me…

Carlisle: Pancake, Flapjack! Great to see you back so soon.

Flapjack: No offence Carlie, but why are you stalking us?

Jasper: _You're_ in _our_ backyard, how exactly does that work out 'stalking'?

Pancake: Shit Flapjack, wrong story!

Flapjack: I thought this didn't look like Mars, but hey, you never know…

Jake: You were going to Mars!

Emmett: How can you go to a chocolate bar?

Rose: The planet you donut.

Emmett: I love donuts!

Rose: You cant eat donuts you dimwit!

Emmett: I-, I cant eat donuts?

Everyone: NO!

*Emmett bursts into 'tears'*

Pancake: You have no idea how absurd this actually looks…

Flapjack: I think he's trying to cry…?

Edward: *Camera snap* Oh boy, this is _SO _going on face book!

*Silence*

Edward: What?

Pancake: Well on that note, we'll just be leaving.

Flapjack: Toodles!

Jake: WAIT!

Pancake: What?

Everyone: Can we come? *Puppy dog faces.*

Pancake: No! What do you take us for?!

*Rose opens her mouth*

Flapjack: Don't answer that.

Pancake: Just remember, we got our eyes on you…

Flapjack: Yeah, all four of them!

Jake: How can you have four-.

Bella: Shh!

Edward: _Gulp._

*Flapjack and Pancake disappear*

Emmett: Are-, are-, are they gone?

Edward: You never know…

Alice: I think so…

Nessie: Good, I hope they're gone. I mean, they're _totally_ overrated, especially that, that 'Flapjack' .

*Nessie's cell rings*

Nessie: Hello?

Mysteriously Familiar 'unknown' Voice: _Seven days…_

Nessie: Til what?

Voice: _You die!_

Jake: NESSIE'S GONNA DIE!?

Voice: _Seven days…We'll be counting._

Jake: Wait! Does that include weekends?

Voice: _Uh…yes._

Jake: Okay, uhm, what about bank holidays? Christmas is coming up soon you know.

Voice: _Yes. No. Uh… No._

Jake: What about birthdays?

Voice: _NO! Wait, YES! LISTEN WOLFY-_

Jake: Hold up hold up, what about-

Voice: _JUST SEVEN DAYS BITCH! YOU'RE WASTING MY CREDIT!_

*Phone hangs up*

Edward: Death has credit?

Bella: Death has a cell phone?

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**A/N: Mwahahahaha. In case you are wondering where the '7 days' stuff was from its from Scary Movie! 3 That film!!!!**

**R&R, or **_**SEVEN DAYS**_**! Ha ha ha xD**


	14. Saucy Snail Therapy Call Jimmy Emo Snail

**A/N: ! Serve up the next chapter baby! WoopWoop! Thanks for all of your smexi reviews guys, they totally rocked our socks : ) x**

**Enjoy! X**

* * *

Jimmy: Hello?

Timmy: Hello, this is Timmy from Flapjack and Pancake's Saucy Snail Therapy, how can we help you today?

Jimmy: I'm an Emo, I highly doubt you can help me.

Timmy: Well I'm po-diddley-ositive we can!

Jimmy: *Snorts*

Timmy: Now now, there is no need for that attitude, regardless if you're a Goth or not.

Jimmy: Excuse me?

Timmy: Hmm?

Jimmy: I'm not a Goth! I'm an Emo.

Timmy: Yeah yeah, you say tomato and I say potato, same thing-

Jimmy: That's not how the saying goes, its potato p-

Timmy: P- p- p-, no. The first step away from Emo/gothic culture is open mindism-

Jimmy: DO NOT ASSOCIATE EMO'S WITH FREAKIN' GOTHS!

Timmy: I will not tolerate that sort of language!

Jimmy: Well-

Timmy: You may think your life's like a big handful of nincompoop, but, imagine how I feel being a bloody _weresnail _and living with two absolute _lunatics_ named after breakfast foods?!

Jimmy: _Weresnail?_

Timmy: YES! EVERY NIGHT I GO HOME AND CRY BIG FAT TEARS OF BLOOD AND-.

Jimmy: Whoa, are you sure _I'm_ the one who needs the therapy here?

Timmy: YES, YOU STUPID GOTH!

Jimmy: ITS EMO!

Timmy: I DON'T CARE!

Jimmy: FINE!

Timmy: _FINE!_

Jimmy: I cant be bothered with _mindless_ emo's, so I'm going to walk away before I commit suicide.

Timmy: I hope you do, you gothic imbecile!

Jimmy: I'M NOT A- *Splat*

Timmy: Bitch don't you dare put that phone down on me now!

*Silence*

Timmy: Don't you ignore me young man, I know you're there, there's not that annoying_'_ * Two minutes pass* _' _sound!

*More silence*

Timmy: J-, J-, Jimmy?

*En Silencio*

Timmy: OMG I MADE HIM COMMIT SUACIDE! JIMMY, TALK TO ME LIL GUY, _PLEASE_!

*沈黙 - - - That's silence in Japanese : P*

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**A/N: So we guess you wondering what happened to likkle Jimmy then…**

**TIME REWIND! :**

*In School field were Jimmy is talking to Timmy on his Snail Phone*

Geeky kid: Guess What Millie?

Hyperactive Loner called Millie: What Gary?

Gary: There's a flying bird over there *sniggers* !

Millie: Well by gummnatiousness, THERE IS!

*Millie Chase's the 'rare' flying bird*

Millie: ! -

Jimmy: I'M NOT A- *Splat*

Milly: HAHAHAHAHAHA, SQUISHED SNAIL! I SQUISHED A SNAIL, I SQUISHED A SNAIL! Hey, its got a _cell phone_!

Gary:*sighs* Millie Millie Millie… Some very nice _men_ are going to come with some very pretty _needles _and put you in a niiice _cell_, come on lets take you to them.

Millie: Nice men with needles? Cool.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**A/N: LOL! R&R So you can rock our socks some more ; ) 3**


	15. AUTHERS NOTE!

A/N: Hey! Okay so I'm guessing you've heard about our poor little friend Jimmy, And of course we need to have a funeral! So, if you want to be Vicar/Priest, Review and let us know so we can put you in the next chapter!

Thanks, Love Bells96 & RazzleDazzleBaby ! X


	16. Jacob Calls Edward

**A/N:**** Well, as no-one applied to be an amazing vicar, we'll just have to put Jimmys well deserved funeral on hold. We hope you're happy! Oh well, Enjoy!! X**

**PS: **_**MiseryRain, **_**THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE GIRL!**

* * *

Edward: What Jacob?

Jacob: Edward, I'm scared.

Edward: A) Why are you whispering and B) Do I care?

Jacob: Listen Eddy, there's a fairy in house and she's jumping around like a bunny! I think she's on drugs…

Edward: Okay Jake, deep breaths, what does she look like?

Jacob: Uhh… Wings,

Edward: Yes, that's the genral idea of fairys, what else?

Jacob: Oh, brown hair, blue eyes, kind of tall…?

Edward: How tall is tall?

Jacob: I dunno, she's almost as tall as Pancake. About…5'8 to be exact ;)

Edward: We may have a problem…

Jacob: Why?

Edward: The only advice I can give you is to ring *Gulp*… Flapjack.

Jacob: WOOH! *Hangs up.*

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**A/N: Short, yeah, eat on that for not being a vicar! Yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU!**

**P.S, don't worry, we're adding another chapter in a minute : ). x**


	17. Jacob Calls Flapjack & Co

**A/N: Told ya so, did ya really think we'd leave you hanging!?**

**Enjoy! X**

* * *

Jake: Hello, is this Flapjack? We need to talk.

Receiver: Hello, this is Flapjack & Co. Can I help?

Jake: Can I talk to her, pretty please?

Receiver: Why didn't you just say so silly! Of course you can.

Jake: I just-

Flapjack: Hellooooooooooooooooooo?

Jake: FLAPJACK!

Flapjack: *sighs* Jake, I thought I told you to call me unless you had a _legit_ reason?

Jake: This time I do, really!

Flapjack: Let me guess, a flying pig fell out the sky and landed on your cabbage patch doll collection?

Jake: No they're in my room- HEY WAIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT HARRIOT AND HER FRIENDS?

Flapjack: Like I said, we are everything and everywhere young grasshopper…

Jake: Speaking of grasshoppers, there's a fairy in our house jumping around like one…!

Flapjack: COOL! I'M SO COMING-

*Pancake grabs phone*

Pancake: Ignore her, I always do. Now, what was you saying?

Jake: Oh, its you.

Pancake: Well done. Now describe this fairies outfit por favor?

Jake: Uh… well wings, tutu, fluff, and a _lot_ of sparkle.

Pancake: Colour Jake, colour!

Jake: Oh! Well the only way I can think to describe it is, well…SHERBERT BLUE!?

Pancake: Ciara? Not again! _Sweet Mary mother of Jesus! _I'll be right over.

_**POOF!**_

*Hangs up.*

Jake: I wonder how long she'll take…

Pancake: HONEY IM HOOOME!

Ciara: Dammit, she's found me!

Pancake: Ciara!

Ciara: Yeeeeeeeeeees….?

Pancake: What did I tell you about leaving the fairy factory when you're hyper? Do you want me to cut the sherbet supplies again?!

Ciara: _HELL NO! _

Pancake: Back to the factory now, unless you want what happened to *_sobs_* Jimmy *_sob_* to happen to you. Poor lil guy hasn't even had a funeral yet…

Flapjack: Yeah, we aint even got a vicar!

Pancake: Flapjack? Wtf.

Flapjack: I love scaring ma bitch *cackles*

Pancake: Sorry, your what?

Flapjack: Toodles!

_**POOF!**_

Pancake: I'm coming to get you!

_**POOF!**_

Jake: Oh crap, I'm all alone now… *whimpers*

*Five minutes later*

Jake: _Beeeeeeeeeeeeecause I'm all alone…There's no-one here besides me. My problems have all gone, there's no-one to _

*Windows and mirrors smash*

Jacob: Woops. I guess I should cut the singing, but what to do now? Ahaha, _I'LL CALL EDWARD!_

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**A/N: LOL! Btw, if you don't know where that songs from, donkey sings it in **_**Shrek**_**. ROCK ON DONKEY!**

**Ciara, you will be back girlie! R&R or else we will send a fairy on drugs to your door!**


	18. Quil Calls Jacob

**A/N: ****Hello oh faithful fanfictioners! How's your holidays going? Hopefully well, sorry for the long wait for the chapter, Christmas is a very busy time of year for us. Big up's to Charlie300895 for offering to be vicar, rock on girlie!**

**Enjoy! X**

* * *

Jacob: He-Hello?

Quil: Jacob, where you at?

Jacob: A funeral, that's where I'm at bro.

Quil: Who's? Did you kill Paul? I saw this happening, you're both just too big for your boots!

Jacob: WTF, no! Its for Jimmy the Emo snail…and you think I'm too big for my boots!? *Lip Quivers* I don't even wear boots, I run around streaking most of the time!

Vicar (Charlie300895) : Siiiiiiiiiiiilleeeeeenceeee!

Quil: Someone needs a chill pill.

Jacob: Shut up dude!

*Vicar gives Jacob freaky death glare*

Nessie: Shit.

Edward: *Sniggers* Classic.

Vicar: We are gathered here today, to reminisce on the eventful life of our dearest Jimmy Jammie.

Bella: Is he taking the piss?

Alice: I think that was his real name…

Bella: No wonder why he was a Goth.

Timmy: EMO!

Vicar: Now before we bury the…slodge…would anyone like to say a few words?

Jacob: ME! ME! PICK ME PICK ME!

Pancake: Oh dear…

Bella: Pancake, Where did you come from?

Pancake: Well let's just say, the TARDIS ain't that big…

Nessie: Where's…_Flapjack?_

Pancake: She was just doing her hair when I left, so she'll be here in approximately three…two…

**POOF**

Flapjack: HOLLA IF YA HERE ME!

*Silence*

Flapjack: Jeez, you guys are killing my vibe. What's up with you?

Edward: *gritted teeth* It's a funeral.

Flapjack: Yeah….

Pancake: Why are you wearing pink!?

Flapjack: You expect me to wear black? Please, I aint no Emo like you's, I mean come on, who wears _black_ to a funeral!?

Pancake: Everyone?

Flapjack: Then 'everyone' is Goths.

Pancake: First you said Emo's.

Flapjack: Emo, Goth, same thing.

Pancake: No its not!

Flapjack: Yes it is.

Pancake: Not

Flapjack: Is.

Timmy: total déjà vu. *Bursts out crying*

Pancake: Why wear pink Yaz, please tell me.

Flapjack: I wanted to spruce things up a bit, _Izzy_.

Alice: Fair do's babe.

Rosalie: Yeah, it does look fab on your skin tone.

Flapjack: I know right!

Jacob: EVERYONE SHUT UP, I WANNA DO MY SPEECH!

Vicar: *takes an Asprin*

Jacob: Now, I know how in modern day society, some people aren't accepted, and unfortunately, Jimmy was one of those people-

Edward: God Jake, you're using a lot of big words there buddy…

Jacob: And it makes me sick that some people think they're so much better than others just because they're bigger, Jimmy was the best of them all I tell you, BEST OF ALL!

Nessie: Jake…?

Jake: Yeah?

Nessie: Did you even know the guy?

Jake: No.

Vicar: I'm gonna need a few more dozen Asprin before this service is over!

Jasper: You got that right mate.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**Ha-ha, thanks for reading and please review!**

**Merry Christmas Everyone, Hope it's a Good One! XOXO**


	19. Christmas Special

**A/N: Ha ha, thought we'd surprise you with a super sexy Christmas Special! Thanks to ****BrogaaanWhitlockk-x**** for giving us the idea, Happy Holidays! X**

**Enjoy! X**

* * *

**Our Christmas Special: **

Emmett: Bellaaaa…

Bella: *preparing turkey* No.

Emmett: Pleeaseee!

Bella: No.

Alice: Aw come on Bells, its Christmas.

Emmett: Yeah Bells, it is.

Bella: Ah, okay. You can take over Emmett, lets see you prepare our turkey.

Emmett: *Pulls out axe* YEY! Take this you dumb turkey!

Bella: EMMETT!

*Silence*

Judith: Tha-, That was my brother.

Edward: It's a Turkey…

Judith: FROM ANOTHER MOTHER!

Rose: Just put it in the oven you dipshit.

Nessie: Can we open our prezzies now?

Jake: Yeah, I've tried really hard to be a good boy this Christmas.

Nessie: *laughing* Jake you're so funny.

Jake: What?

Nessie: You play it like Santa is actually real.

Jake: He is…

Edward: Oh Nuggets.

Jake: IF SANTA ISNT REAL THEN WHO ATE THE MILK AND COOKIES I LEFT HIM! EXACTLY.

*All heads turn to Emmett*

Edward: I thought I heard someone regurgitating last night…

Jake: Santa's gonna damn you and you wont have any presents next year!

Jasper: Lets wait for that buddy, lets wait.

*Half an hour of festivities passes*

Bella: Nice tree decorating Edward.

Edward: Thanks love.

Bella: The fairy…its so…life like!

Edward: *Uncomfortable* Uh… yeah.

Bella: Oh no.

Edward: Mmm?

Bella: Please don't tell me that Ciara up there!

Edward: What can I say, Pancake let me borrow her!

Bella: Edward, you cant put a real fairy under the tree!

Alice: Yeah Bozo!

Jake: Flapjack would look pretty on the tree, maybe we should ask Pancake if we could borrow her next year.

Nessie: *rubs hands together mechanically* That could work. I mean, it cant be very comfortable up there for a whole month…

Emmett: Woops!

Rosalie: What?

Edward: Lets just say, Jake, do you like burnt Turkey?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Next Christmas:**

Jake: The tree looks so freaking beautiful!

Nessie: I'm glad we got the sharp pines this year.

Flapjack: Screw You!

Nessie: Ouch Man.

Jake: Don't be mean.

Nessie: I don't know why you're cussing me, Pancake was the one who quiet happily gave us permission to stick you up there.

Flapjack: Oh you wait 'til I get down from this tree!

Pancake: Yeep! Merry Christmas!

**POOF**

Jake: *counting presents* This doesn't make sense!

Jasper: What?

Jake: You got more prezzies then me!

Jasper: Really, wow Jake, you must have been a bad boy.

Alice: Yeah, Father Christmas cant be very happy with you this year.

Jake: You set me up!

Jasper: Who do you think leaves the presents every year dumb ass!

Jake: Santa.

Jasper: Well then I must be Santa then!

Alice: Jazz calm down babe.

Jasper: I just feel so-, so used…

Jake: Wait…did you just say you're SANTA! :O

Nessie: Oh no…

Jake: I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE MY IDOL JAZZY WAZZY! I WAS SO BLIND TO NOT SEE IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!

*Jumps into Jaspers arms, jasper drops Jake and LEGS IT!*

Jake: But wait!

Carlisle: LOL

Esme: PMSL

Alice: Did they just say…?

Rosalie: I sincerely hope not.

Carlisle: What? We're just getting diggety down with you kids. Right Yung Eezy?

Esme: Fow Shizzle .

Edward: And Nessie calls us old.

Bella: Init Bruv.

Nessie: Not you too.

Bella: Hell yeah, this is my new years resolution!

Nessie: Doh! *hand on head*

Flapjack: Karma's a bitch babe : )

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**A/N: Ha-ha, hope you liked it and Merry Christmas to all of our readers! This is our Xmas Prezzie to you so give us one back and review! X**


	20. Rosalie Calls Jasper

**A/N****: Hey Everyone, this is our first update of 2010! Happy New Year Homie's, hope you had a good one. We've got some exiting news for you guys *drum roll please*… THE CULLENS ARE COMING TO ENGLAND IN A FEW CHAPTERS TIME! I know, OMG! **

**Now, we have no clue what the monopoly landmarks are so we just made up random stuff. Therefor, this version of monopoly is SKY SCRAPER MONOPOLY- BREAKFAST FOOD STYLE! Pancake is banker.**

**Enjoy this chapter! X**

* * *

Jasper: Hello?

Rose: Hey Jazz-

Jasper: Shh! I'm concentrating.

Rose: We're ringing you all the way from Africa and you cant even be bothered to talk to us?

Jasper: I'm playing monopoly, hold on.

Flapjack: You suck at this game for someone so smart Eddy.

Edward: Piss off.

Flapjack: Calm down pretty boy.

Jasper: Shut up, I'm concentrating!

Pancake: Jasper, all you have to do is roll the dice…

Jake: Don't worry Jazz, it took me some time to get that.

Flapjack: Sweet Mary mother of Jesus…

Pancake: …And the twelve disciples!

Flapjack: Maybe we should just skip his go-

Jasper: NO, I CAN DO THIS!

Rose: How much brain power does it take to roll a dice?

Pancake: *snorts* You tell me.

*Jasper finally rolls*

Jasper: YEY, A ONE!

Flapjack: Yey?

Jasper: What do I get for that?

Edward: Nothing.

Jasper: YEY!

Pancake: Why is he 'yeying' ?

Alice: Babe, he's got emotional problems, just leave him.

Jake: it's a shame, he was one jump away from the moon spot.

Flapjack: MY TURN!

*Rolls and lands on the clouds*

Flapjack: OMT, buying it!

Jake: Don't you mean OMJ?

Flapjack: thought about it, but OMT just rolls off the tongue better.

Pancake: That's five pounds please.

Edward: Can you even buy clouds?

Alice: Apparently.

Pancake: WAIT!

Everyone: What?

Pancake: Flapjack, you cant buy that!

Flapjack: You're right, where am I gonna get the pink dye so I can make them into candyfloss?

Pancake: No idiot! Remember what happened last time we went to the sky…?

Edward: You've been to the sky?

Pancake & Flapjack: Duh…

Jake: You're so amazing Flapjack.

Flapjack: Aw stop. Maybe OMJ does sound better.

Pancake: Yaz, think!

*five minutes later*

Bella: I think she should stop, there's steam coming out of her ears…

Flapjack: OMJ! I remember! Damn, I aint buying no clouds.

Alice: I don't get it, what happened with clouds.

Edward: Ouch! That's messy.

Pancake: Yup.

Jake: What?

Flapjack: Lets just say, once it wasn't just Pancake and Flapjack….

Rose: LOL, What was the other one called, Toastie?

Flapjack: NO!

Pancake: Muffin actually.

Edward: When?

Pancake: It was year 2000, and the era of the Spice Girls…

/////////// FLASHBACK //////////

Muffin: Are you sure this is safe? I've never been parachuting without a parachute before…

Pancake: Yeah yeah, you'll be fine. We do it all the time, right Flapjack?

Flapjack: We do?

Pancake: Exactly.

Muffin: And you guys are jumping out of the plane straight after me, right?

Pancake: Totally.

*Muffin jumps*

Flapjack: Are we really?

Pancake: Sure, once Muffin's done the test run.

Flapjack: But seriously, what could go wrong?

Pancake: I dunno, I've just got a weird feeling about parachuting with no parachute…

Muffin: *About to hit the floor* _Oh crumbs…_

**SQUISH!**

Flapjack: You know what? I don't actually feel like parachuting today.

Pancake: Nah, me neither. Wanna go home and watch a movie?

Flapjack: Sure, you up for The Exorcist?

Pancake: Cool.

//////// END FLASHBACK //////

Flapjack: I still miss her sometimes.

Pancake: Yeah, more than the others.

Alice: There were others?

Flapjack: Hell yeah, us breakfast foods were gonna take over the world!

Pancake: Ha-ha, remember Waffle?

Flapjack: Oh god yeah, he was a saucy little devil.

Emmett: Who's Waffle?

Pancake: Now that's another story!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: HAHA, Cant wait til the Cullen Holiday. Again happy new year everyone, Review and tell us what your resalutions are!

Pancake: What


	21. Jacob Calls Flapjack AGAIN!

**A/N:**** Sorry for this late update, but we got a song up at the end of the chapter (read the chapter and it'll make sense) so don't get too mad. Shout out to everyone who read and reviewed! **

**So this chapter sort of follows the R-Patz calls Edward one. AND ANOTHER URGANT MESSAGE, AGES AGO WHEN WE ARE YOUNG AND NIEVE WE DIDN'T CLARIFY WHO WAS FLAPJACK AND WHO WAS PANCAKE**

**RazzleDazzleBaby - Flapjack, Bells96 - Pancake. PHEW.**

* * *

Flapjack: *Sighs* Jake?

Jacob: FLAPJACK, YOU FINALLY ANSWERED, WHY DIDN'T U PICK UP MY CALLS LITTLE MISSY?!

Flapjack: Uh…dead battery…sorry.

Pancake: How can it ring if its got a dead battery?

Flapjack: BECAUSE ITS MAGIC!

Pancake: Just like the fact Taylor Lautner just 'turns up' at our door to see a certain crazy-ass _breakfast food_?

Flapjack: Learn the difference between magic and _destiny_.

Jake: Uh…Flapjack-

*Leah grabs receiver*

Leah: OMG, YOU'RE WITH TAYLOR LAUTNER!?

Emily: SHUT UP!

Sam: Hey, I'm your imprint!

Emily: And Taylor's hot.

Leah: Cant fight that.

Sam: He aint gonna heat you in the cold.

Emily: Cant fight that.

Flapjack: He's heating me fine and we're all the way over in Alaska!

Emily: You're in Alaska too!?

Pancake: A) _Too?. _And B), How can you like him when he looks like he's been squished against a window for the last six years…?

Emily: I'm gonna ignore the last comment. Jake dragged me and the rest of the pack out here because he said he _'wanted to see the Eskimo's'_…

Flapjack: Oh…

Pancake: *cough* _stalker._

Flapjack: Anywhoooo…wanna hear the song I'm going to sing to him?

Pancake: Oh boy…

Flapjack: **(YOU READY FOR THIS?).............................**_I WANNA HAVE SEX ON THE BEACH-_

_*Little men with maracas and hula-skirts in the background.*_

Leah: I second Pancakes 'Oh dear'…

Flapjack: _COME ON MOVE YO BODY! _

Jacob: AHH! Shut up! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

Pancake: The fact that you have a brain? I conquer.

Jacob: NO. There's no…no…BEACHES IN ALASKA!?

Emily and Leah: …

Pancake: …

Flapjack: Well…then I change it to…SEX IN THE SNOW!

*Hula men are replaced by Eskimo's and huskies*

Flapjack: _I WANNA HAVE SEX, IN THE SNOW. COME ON MOVE YOUR EARMUFFS!_

Sam: Earmuffs?

Jacob: I'm hanging up right now.

Pancake: What! You cant just abandon me!

Emily: What do you mean?

Pancake: She wont stop singing that until I kill her.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

**A/N: Okay, so we know that was kinda short so we did a remix of the song, Sex On The Beach, just for you to make up for it! In case you don't know the song or you just want the music in the background go to this link: .com/watch?v=kOgb0yotEz8&feature=player_embedded**

Sex In The Snow - By Flapjack Lautner.

_Oh We Oh We Oh - Da Taylor Man, Da Taylor Man, Da Taylor Man Ho! Oh We Oh We Oh - _

_Come On There's A Bonfire Tonight, Fluffy And Cuddley People! _

_Original Queen Lover Rappin Upon The Microphone Yes She Come Like 'El Divido?' And She Sing: _

_I Wanna Have Sex In The Snow, Come On Move Your Ear Muffs _

_Sex In The Snow_

_I Wanna Have Sex In The Snow, Come On There's A Sledge _

_Sex In The Snow _

_I Never Gonna Leave You Alone I'm a stalker dowg and my Taylor Panties are on._

_She Said Her Name Was Flapjack "Can you put me in your Lunch Bag?" _

_Mittens On The Left, Snow On The Right, Come And Give Me Lovin' All Through The Night _

_Do The Wild Thing, Dingalingaling Boy I Wanna Hear You Sing_

_Da Taylor Man, Da Taylor Man, Da Taylor Sexy Ho! Them All Like To Make Snowmen Now Taylor Them, Da Taylor Man, Da Sexy Taylor Hey! _

_Boy I Wanna Hear You Sing _

_I Wanna Have Sex In The Snow, Come On Move Your Earmuffs. _

_Sex In The Snow. _

_I Wanna Have Sex In The Snow, Come On There's A Sledge _

_Sex In The Snow, Come On There's A Bonfire…Alright! _

**~*~*~*~*~*~***

**A/N: . Review Please, please, please! X**


	22. The Cullens Come To England

**A/N: Okay, lets cut the nice-guy spoodle. One review for the last chapter. One review? Really guys? Biggest shout out ever to LadyOfTheLancashireManor, rocking our socks all the way to England, yah.**

**Flapjack: This is an outrage to the human nature!**

**Pancake: Yaz…**

**Flapjack: Take it a bit too far?**

**Pancake: Just a tidge.**

**Regardless, here is where the fun really gets going with the Cullen's trip to England! BREAKFAST FOOD DOMINATION!**

* * *

Alice: Damn this jet is big!

Pancake: *dusting shoulder* that's what you get for being the greatest breakfast foods in history.

*Enter Flapjack weeping and wearing -gasp- black!*

Esme: Are you okay?

Flapjack: No, I still cant believe he's gone… *gives pancake daggers*

Pancake: Look, how was I supposed to know that clicking my fingers and saying _'unhypnotise' _would unhypnotise Taylor from your spell?

Flapjack: *In freaky exorcist voice* _You knew bitch, you knew!_

Nessie: Hey, where did Ciara go?

Pancake: Ah, we threw her in the luggage, she had too much sherbet again.

Jake: But I was meant to be sitting next to her…

Pancake: Yeah but, I figured you'd have more fun sitting next to me! *rubbing hands mechanically*

Jake: _Gulp._

Edward: Once again, revenge is sweet.

Pancake: I'd like you to meet our Breakfast Food Cabin Crew!

Flapjack: We all have a little song!

_*All lights switch off then suddenly Judith comes on playing the bongo's wearing a beanie and the red flappy thing on his head that no-one knows the name of in dreadlocks.* _

Judith: *in Jamaican accent* Sing it now!

Flapjack: *to the tune of 'sex in the snow'* She said her name was Flapjack, can you put me in your lunch bag!

Pancake: She said her name was Pancake, and she really wants to kill Jake!?

Judith: And introducing our pilot, Cookie, and our co-pilot Waffle!

Emmett: There's, like, a whole army!

Cookie: She said her name was Cookie, and I like to boogie woogie!

Judith: And of course, the crumpet twins!

Esme: Fow sheezy, there still mow.

Nessie: Please shut up.

Crumpets: We said our names were Crumpet, and we really like to pump it!

Jasper: DOWN LOW LOW!

Everyone else: Wtf?

Jasper: Sorry, you guys are just so pumped!

Emmett: He said his name was Emmett-

Pancake: Shut up.

Emmett: Okay.

Bella: Hey, how come that Waffle dude didn't get a song.

Flapjack: Well, can you really think off anything to rhyme with Waffle?

Bella: Fair enough.

Cookie: Everyone please take your seats, take off is about to commence.

*Jake reluctantly sits next to Pancake*

Pancake: Why hello _Mutt_.

Edward: Bella, why cant you be like that?

Bella: Because I'm a retard.

*Plane goes up in the air*

Alice: Look at how high we are!

Cookie: We're not actually that- *Looks down* Oh boy.

Rose: What…

Cookie: Uh…Flapjack…Pancake?

Pancake & Flapjack: Hmm?

Cookie: Is this a bad time to tell you that I'm scared of heights?

Carlisle & Esme: _Say Wha! _

Nessie: Oh well, at least we've got waffle as our co-pilot.

Pancake: Have you seen the boy? HE'S THREE YEARS OLD!

Rose: Well, if you think about it, even if the plane does crash, we're all vampires or whatever those munchie bunchie's over there are, so we cant die anywho.

Flapjack: In fact, there's only two people aboard this plane who is at risk, and I'll save Jake. *Shoots daggers at Nessie*

Nessie: Bitch!

Flapjack: Yeah, who's on the Christmas tree next year bitch!

Judith: Maybe if she's lucky, Waffle has a natural flair for being a pilot.

Waffle: CARS!

Nessie: Oh yeah, _real_ natural flair.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**A/N: He-he, R&R please, we update faster. Next chapter some of the Cullen Clan run into some Chavs (for all American people, Wannabe Hustlers!) REVIEW!**


	23. Emmett Calls Jacob

**A/N: Howdy there, big shout out to ****LadyOfTheLancashireManor**** for reviewing, let us know if you want to be in our story because you always review and should be rewarded. Which by the way, we are totally lacking in - hence the late update.**

**Either way, on a happier note, HERE IT IS, THE SECOND INSTALLMENT TO THE CULLENS COME TO ENGLAND!**

* * *

Jake: Hello?

Emmett: Hey Jake, where you at?

Jake: Oh I'm just with Pancake - don't ask - in some random street that's incredibly dark and rather scary and you'd probably be stabbed if you walked down, you?

Emmett: At the hotel of course, Rose is-

Jake: Hold on Em, someone's coming towards us and they look like Wangsta's.

Emmett: Wangsta's?

Jake: Yeah, wannabe gangsters.

Pancake: Don't look at them, don't look at them, don't look at them…

Jake: HI!

Pancake: Mother Fudge.

Chav1: Wasgaumin.

Chav2: Wogwan.

Jake: Huh?

Pancake: Isn't a wogwan what Red Indians stay in?

Jake: Shup, my uncle lives in one of them.

Chav2: You ite?

Jake: Uh…Pancake?

Chav1: Oh, you French fam?

Chav2: Nah mate, I think he's Japanese...

Pancake: He's American.

Chav2: Oh ma days, she's totty!

Jake: She's wha?

Pancake: *under breath* _Its like they have a 'posh radar' or something._

Jake: I'd fill you in if I knew what they were saying…

Chav1: You cussin me bruv?

Jake: Uhm, I'm not your bro-

Chav2: Yeah, you getting rude bruv?

Jake: I think we have a misunderstanding, I'm not your br-

Chav1: YOU ROLLING BRUV?

Jake: IM NOT YOUR GODDAMN BROTHER!

Chav2: You taking da mick outta me boy?

Pancake: Oh dear.

Jake: If I knew what you were saying-

Pancake: Call Flapjack, _now._

*Female with black hair and cold grey eyes steps forward from the shadows*

Person: No need, I'm here. *laughs evily whist 'juzzing' hair*

Pancake: Blackjack…

Jake: Who?

Pancake: She's Flapjack's-

Blackjack: Evil alter-ego yatta yatta yatta, boo hoo, whore whore. I just saved your ass, you owe me.

Jake: Doesn't that make you good?

Pancake: No, she possesses all off Flapjack's worst traits, hence the _evil_ part.

Blackjack: Shut the Fuck up.

Pancake: Like swearing.

Blackjack: Whatever. *gets our compact mirror*

Pancake: Vanity.

Blackjack: Go die in a hole.

Pancake: And of course shallowness.

Jake: What do you mean?

Pancake: OH MY GOD, TAYLOR LAUTNER'S MUGGING AN OLD MAN!

Blackjack: WHERE?! I'LL GO AND HELP HIM!

Jake: Jizz.

Pancake: Exactly, now I'm leaving, sorry Jake.

Jake: But-

_**POOF!**_

Blackjack: *Under Breath* Private school girl, right Billy?

Billy/Chav1: Yeah Man.

Kane/Chav2: Jarz.

Jake: I'm so confused, I need a hug…

Blackjack: No worries, I'll take you under my wing baby.

*queue Superhero music*

Flapjack: *In superhero Cape* OH NO YOU DON'T!

Jake: Flapjack!

Billy: Sick cape man.

Blackjack: Shit, I left mine in my lair.

Flapjack: Stop medalling with my Twi-Buddies!

Blackjack: But they're fit!

Flapjack: I know, why do you think I'm friends with them?

Blackjack: I hate you.

Flapjack: Hate you more.

Jake: Aren't you basically saying you hate yourself?

Blackjack: Shush boy.

Jake: I'm serious.

Flapjack: It sounded witty, now you killed it.

Blackjack: Nob.

Jake: HEY! I AM NOT A DOOR KNOB!

Flapjack: Good Lord'O'Jizz. On that note I suggest we leave.

Blackjack: Watch yourself Flapjack.

Jake: *breaks into uncontrollable laughter* LITERALLY, HAHA!

Blackjack: Dude he's dumb.

Flapjack: Oh you haven't met Emmett…

*Half an hour later at Breakfast Food Hotel*

Edward: Hey where's Jake?

Nessie: I dunno, where was he today?

Emmett: Oh he went off with Pancake.

Bella. Oh no…

Rose: She killed him, didn't she…?

Pancake: *Silent _**POOF!**_*__Of course not, I'm saving that for later.

Alice: YOU GOTTA STOP CREEPING UP ON ME LIKE THAT!

Pancake: Sorry, I thought you're the one who can see the future.

Bella: Guys this is serious, we need to find Jake.

Pancake: Chill, I think he was with Flapjack.

Nessie: _Flapjack_…

Flapjack: *silent **POOF!*** Yeah, then he said he wanted to look around.

Alice: STOP DOING THAT!

Flapjack: Yeesh, what's up with her?

Rose: What can I say, she does date an Emo, it must rub off.

Bella: GUYS, WE NEED TO FIND JAKE!

Nessie: Flapjack should go and find him because she lost him in the first place.

Flapjack: Nessie should go and find him because if she was a _good_ girlfriend she wouldn't have let him wonder off originally, especially with _Pancake_!

Pancake: Hey!

Flapjack: No offence babe.

Pancake: Cool.

Edward: You should just both go and find him.

Everyone: NO!

Alice: Do you want Nessie to come back alive?

Rose: Do you want _Jake_ to come back alive?

Edward: Not particularly.

Flapjack: Either way, Hell would ice over the day I go with Nessie…

* * *

***HALF AN HOUR LATER. - NESSIE AND FLAPJACK ARE OUT LOOKING FOR JAKE. ***

Nessie: I hate life.

Flapjack: Ya think.

Nessie: You're not very true to your word are you?

Flapjack: Well tech-

*Devil walks past*

Devil: Bloody hell, it's so chilly down there today!

Nessie: I rest my case.

*Enter Jake, sitting on a pavement with Kane and Billy shooting ants.*

Flapjack: JAKE!

Nessie: I'm so glad we found you!

Flapjack: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?

*Jake looks down at his NIKE AIRS and Pink ADDIDAS tracksuit*

Jake: What?

Flapjack: I'm going to gag.

Jake: I like it, its gangster.

Flapjack: Its disgusting.

Jake: Hey, is it because its pink? SEXIST!

Flapjack: No, it's the fact that you're wearing a cap saying 'KICK ME' on it with little love hearts.

Nessie: The K looks a bit like an L.

Flapjack: Oh, well I'll leave you two to it.

Jake: Stop the witty banter, I don't get it. L….-

…

…

…

*** Ant reincarnates and holds up a '**_**HE'S A DIV**_**' sign.* **

Flapjack: I agree mate.

Nessie: Now come on Jake, lets get you home, you're starting to sweat with all that thinking.

Edward: Jake, what are you wearing a hat saying LICK ME?

Jake: THAT'S IT!

Bella: Why are you sweating so much aswell?

Edward: Oh god.

Bella: Nessie…

Nessie: Wha-? No!

Edward: You have a lot of explaining to do!

Nessie: We didn't do anything! Flapjack was here the whole time, ask her!

Flapjack: Now now, I'm not getting involved. But a bit of parental warning, I think you should give her the talk…if ya know what I mean.

Jake: Talk?

Esme: *dressed up as a bird* ABOUT THE BIRDS!

Carlisle: *dressed up as a bee* AND THE BEES!

*Both fly off*

Jasper: I never knew vampires could fly?

Emmett: I CAN FLY? OMG!

*Goes and jumps off a cliff.*

Emmett: Ouch.

Rose: I think its safe to say no.

Pancake: Oh god.

Everyone: What?

Pancake: Where's Ciara?

***ENTER CIARA BOUNCING AROUND LIKE A LOOOOOOOOOOOONY***

Ciara: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Flapjack: I think we've found our problem.

* * *

**There you go. **

**NOW WE HAVE SOME SUPER DUPER EXITING NEWS FOR YOU, WE'VE WRITTEN A EASTER SPECIAL IN ANSWER TO SOME REQUESTS FOR JUDITH AND HIS HOOKER HEN, AND IT'LL BE UP BY APRIL THE THIRD, SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEALED PEOPLE - I've never understood that saying, but what the hey - WOOOOOOOOH! X**

**Review Review Review if you want it posted ;) **


	24. Audrey Calls Judith EASTER SPECIAL!

**A/N: Howdy ya'll, wazzup? Some readers are saying they want some more Judy Woody (otherwise known as Judith the chicken) and seen as its Easter…well…WE AGREE! So this next chapter is dedicated to all of them Judith Lovers : ) **

**OMFG, MAJOR INCREASE IN REVIEWS, THAT WHAT WE LIKE TO SEE PEOPLES! ****..invisible****, ****sunrisejli129****, ****TheWorldsMyOysterImThePearl**** , ****Kellie in Wonderland**** AND MAJOR MAJOR THANKS TO ****Rhiazzledazzle-halliwellcullen**** FOR LEAVING THE NICEST REVIEW WE'VE EVER SEEN IN HISTORY OF THE WORLD! LOVE LOVE!**

* * *

Hooker Hen/Audrey: Judy?

Judith: Yeah Bebeh?

Audrey: I have something I need to tell you…

Edward: Oh boy.

Judith: What?

Audrey: I-…I'm…I-

Judith: Enough with the stuttering, who are you, Bella?

Bella: S- Sh- Shup.

Audrey: I'M EGGNANT!

Alice: Eggnant?

Carlisle: Say wha?

Emmett: Oh Shizz.

Judith: But we used protection!

Audrey: I know, it obviously didn't work…

Jake: Uh Oh, your parents are not going to be happy about this…

***Then, as if by clockwork (or by type-work), Flapjack and Pancake appear!***

***POOF***

Pancake: Judith…

Flapjack: OH SAY IT ISNT SO!

Judith: Listen Ma-

Flapjack: ALL THIS TIME WE'VE RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHICKEN…

Judith: But-

Flapjack: NO JUDITH, NO BUTS. PANCAKE, WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

Pancake: Maybe when I allowed him to go to a hen stripping club?

Audrey: Hey! We are normal hens, I was just paying tuition!

Esme: Tuition for _what_?

Audrey: I want to open my own restaurant.

Flapjack: SO YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO GO THERE!?

Carlisle: Yo, cut this manizzle. If she's a hooker, how does she know its his?

***Silence as everyone's mental light bulb goes off- minus Emmett.***

Jasper: Clever.

Emmett: I don't get it…

Judith: THIS CHICK HAS BEEN SLEEPING AROUND!

Pancake: Chick, ha-ha, get it?

Bella: What does the egg look like?

Audrey: Its purple with yellow specs…

Flapjack: That could be a freakin crème egg for all we know!

Audrey: Hey, ma mimzy did not go anywhere near a crème egg!

***Jake cracks up laughing***

Jake: Sorry… she said mimzy…

Nessie: Dear lord.

Esme: Homies, there's only one thing to do…

Everyone: What?

* * *

**The next day on the Carlisle Cullen Show. **

Carlisle: *Spinning round on spinney chair* Well hello there and welcome to the Carlisle Cullen show!

Pancake: *backstage* Is it me or does this seem like a cheap rip-off of the Jerry Springer show?

Jake: Nah, Carlisle's way too cool for that shizz.

***Jerry Springer theme tune comes on***

Pancake: Oh totally…

Carlisle: First, say hello to our main couple, Judith and Audrey!

***Enter looking troubled***

Carlisle: Okay, so you're a hooker, and you're a…well just a chicken.

Judith: Not just a chicken, I wanna be president someday.

Emmett: *snorts*

Carlisle: Now please welcome, Judith's surrogate parents, Flapjack and Pancake!

***standing ovation as enter. Flapjack is sobbing dramatically and Pancake is 'soaking up the crowd'***

Carlisle: Welcome.

Flapjack: Thanks…

Carlisle: Now tell us your feelings on this.

Pancake: Oh boy, I sense a word vomit…

Flapjack: Okay, well I am like, totally ashamed of our son. He gets some slaggy hen pregnant who bangs crème eggs-

Audrey: I DON'T BANG CRÈME EGGS!

Flapjack: Yeah, keep telling yourself darling. Anywho, so Judith is only like, ten, and he is so too young to-

Carlisle: Wait rewind, this kid it ten!?

Pancake: And he has a weener.

Judith: PANCAKE!

Carlisle: Nice. Now the egg is about to hatch any minute and the truth will be revealed, anything anyone wants to say before the big moment.

Flapjack: This better not be a crème egg…

*Egg hatches and out comes…*

Jake: IT'S A DRAGON!

Nessie: Jake don't be-. _Oh my_.

Audrey: OMG, It must be Spyro's!

Judith: YOU TAPPED A DRAGON?!

Flapjack: At least it wasn't a crème egg.

Pancake: OH MY GHERKIN!

Esme: Oh my gherkin?

Alice: She must be religious…

Edward: Nope, she's just that weird.

Pancake: THIS MEANS SPYRO'S CHEATING!

Everyone: WTF?

Pancake: You know, that female dragon he's always with…?

Everyone: WTF?

Pancake: Called Cynder?

Everyone: WTF?

Flapjack: Don't worry, she's having a geeky moment.

Pancake: I AM NOT GEEKY *Snorts and runs away crying*

Everyone: WTF!

Jasper: Damn we sound so cliché.

Edward: Dude, we're on a vampire talk show where a hooker hen has just given birth to a baby dragon, this couldn't get any _less_ cliché.

***Random goat walks across the stage***

Goat: BLEHH!

Edward: I stand corrected.

* * *

**A/N: Phahaha! We all knew at heart Spyro was a stud at heart, review and we'll update, pure and simple. **


	25. Jake Calls Quil & SUPRISE

**A/N: Hola Seniorita's & Senior's! Sorry for the late update, it is entirely Flapjack's fault for being a lazy biach. However, have no fear because as a special apology, from now on, we are adding **_**our**_** alternated snippet of random pages of Twilight! Now we literally opened the book out at a random page and spoofed it, so expect randomness! **

**But first, here is the next installment of The Cullens Come To England.**

Quil: Yo Jake, ma brother from another mother.

Jake: Q-Q-Quil, I-, I- need y-your help!

Quil: Oh boy, have you been turning into a werewolf and been caught peeing in someone's garden again…?

Jake: What? No! She's got me Quil, she finally got me!

Quil: Who's got you?

Pancake: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jake: Pancake!

Quil: Very funny man, has it got syrup on it? I love syrup on a good Pancake…

Jake: No! Quil, this is serious! But I prefer chocolate spread if I'm honest.

Quil: Where's Flapjack? She'll save you.

Jake: She still hasn't got over that Lautner guy leaving her, she's locked herself in TOPSHOP and wont come out. She calls it 'retail therapy'.

Quil: For some reason I don't think that's what it quiet means…

Jake: I know, but I've got bigger things to worry about. That psycho bitch is tying me to some big rock!

Quil: Where are you?

Jake: I don't know, some place called Stonehenge in England?

Quil: Oh my god, I've heard of that. Apparently people got cremated there?

Jake: Did you honestly know that or did you wiki- OW!

Pancake: MWHAHAHA!

Nessie: Jake!

Jake: Nessie!

Emmett: EMMETT!

*everyone stares*

Rosalie: Every time Em, every time…

Alice: Pancake, why the hell is Jake tied to a rock whilst you're holding a hammer?

Pancake: He got on my nerves whilst I was, AND STILL AM, suffering from Alice In Wonderland withdrawal symptoms…

Everyone: Huh?

Flapjack: *appearing from no-where* Oh god, she's been craving it for weeks and it comes out today, but HMV ran out so now she's on a war path.

Nessie: So why is Jake on the brunt of it?

Edward: Obviously because she's Team Edward.

Pancake: Actually, I'm team 'I don't care'.

Jasper: Damn, she's just _that_ crazy!

Flapjack: Don't worry Jake, I'm still Team Jacob.

Jake: Well you know I've always been Team Flapjack.

Nessie: Hey Pancake, can I borrow that hammer you're holding?

Pancake: No way! I'm using it to hit Jake with!

Flapjack: *winks* And I used it to tap Jake with.

Nessie: Oh nice one Flapjack, I'm just howling with laughter.

Flapjack: Oh honey so was Jake, but I'm not sure if it was with laughter if you know what-.

Bella: Okay enough! What can we do to make you let him go?

Pancake: *eyes glazing over* ALICE. IN. WONDERLAND! NEED ALICE IN WONDERLAAAAAND!

Carlisle: Good god, the withdrawl syptoms are so bad she's shaking and everything!

Flapjack: She vibrates, just like Jake.

Esme: LOL!

Nessie: Right that's it!

Pancake: STOP! IF THERE IS AN IDIOT WITHIN A FIFTEEN YARD RADAR OF ME, I WILL TURN THEM INTO A SHISH KEBAB IF THEY HAVENT DISAPEARED IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS! 10...

*Everyone takes two steps back minus Emmet & Flapjack*

Emmett: Oooh, I love Kebab!

Rosalie: Emmett, how many times, you cant eat!

Emmett: *steps back two steps sobbing* Ooow.

Pancake: 5...

Jasper: Flapjack, step back!

Emmett: Hey, that rhymed!

Flapjack: Ha-ha, you could put that to the Dora The Explorer backpack theme tune! Listen, Flapjack, Flapjack, Step Back, Step Back-.

Pancake: 2...

Rosalie: Wait, how do you know the Dora The Exprorer theme tune…?

Flapjack: Uh…

Pancake: 1! DIE!

*Pancake swings round and hits Flapjack, sending her flying all the way to the M25 and landing with a splat on a TESCO lorry drivers windscreen…*

Flapjack: Ouch.

Tesco Lorry Driver: Bloody hell, that is some HUGE bug!

*turns on windscreen wipers*

Flapjack: OH. *wipe* SHIT. *wipe* THIS. *wipe* HURTS.

Edward: Well, funny thing is I actually bought Alice In Wonderland today and I've just realised I probably wont have much time to watch it so…

Pancake: NEED IT!

Edward: Say you're team Edward.

Pancake: NO! DON'T DO THIS!

Edward: Say it. _Out loud_.

Bella: Hey, does this remind you of something?

Pancake: I CANT!

Edward: Well then, I guess its bye-bye Alice… and Johnny Depp…

*A very squished flapjack flies through the air heading for Edward*

Flapjack: WEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Edward: What the-

*Flapjack crushes Edward, pushing him to the ground*

Pancake: *grabbing Alice In Wonderland* See ya SUCKER!

Flapjack: Booyakasha! Slap it girl.

*Flapjack and Pancake high five, then run off, giggling the whole Tardis Ride home.*

Rose: …

Emmett: …

Jasper: …

Alice: …

Carlisle: …

Esme: …

Jake: …

Nessie: …

Bella: …

Edward: Ouch ?

**Twlight - Page 153. The revised version ; ) .**

**Basic Scenario: Edward has just saved Bella from the scary rapist guys and she is trying to find out how he found her.**

"I went looking for you in the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadent gone in because you wanted to try out your pepper spray, but I never saw this coming. Next thing I knew, you were heading South, towards the petting zoo on Montgovery Street, but it was closed, so I knew you'd have to turn around soon. So I waited for you, randomly perving peoples thoughts on the street. I had no reason to be worried…but I was strangely anxious. Possibly because I just pooped my pants…"

He was lost in thought, staring straight though me, checking out that sexy old granny in the moss green sweater vest.

"I started to drive in circles, I love the way it makes me feel so dizzy and high. Really it's a wonder I didn't crash this crappy car, and when I felt so delirious that I actually wanted to see your ugly face, I opened the car door to search on foot. But then-"

Edwards eyebrows began to dance in anger, sort of like that freaky kid in the Cadburys eyebrow advert. That was when I began to wonder how many circles he's actually done in the god damned Volvo.

"Then what?" I whispered. He continued to perv on the old granny, in obvious approval of her purple Oxfam sandals.

"I heard what they were thinking." He said, his upper lip curling over his teeth, revealing a bit of spinach on his canine. "I saw your face in his mind." He leant forward, resting his elbow on the table and putting his hand over his mouth. If I didn't know him better, I would've thought he was trying not to gag.

"I was very…hard…-you cant imagine how hard- it was to simply take you, and leave them alive. That guy in the leather jacket…he was such a stallion…I almost jizzed."

I sat silently, dazed. My thought were incoherent. One of them even told me that Edward was gay! Of course this wasn't true, I mean, its not as if he sparkled in the sunlight like a princess tiara or the fact that he has lopsided nipples, oh no, Edward was a _real man_.

"Are you ready to go home?" He asked finally.

"Yeah sure mate, I'm missing the new episode of 90210." I replied.

**Ha-ha! Hope you liked it. Let us know if you did and also if you want us to do more because we're still not sure. Sorry for all Team Edward, but I mean come on, IT HAD TO BE DONE XD! **

**One last note, if any of you have a face book, we have made a group called… WE LOVE FLAPJACK AND PANCAKE! Please join if you can! We want to get loads of fans! Love love 3**

**Please Review for all that is holy. : ) . Jesus loves you.**


	26. DEAR READERS

**APOLOGY TO READERS**

Where to begin? Maybe the day we were abducted by aliens; otherwise known as puberty. To be totally honest, we probably would still be ignorant to our lack of cyber banter in the past year unless Flapjack hadn't got a fatal email through on her blackberry from someone favouriting RINGRING! Now I've gotta admit, when we realised what terrible human beings we'd been, pancake had a breakdown and flapjack had to go for some retail therapy. We quickly fled to the nearest laptop and saw how many favourites RINGRING! Had, it was quite devastating, someone even commented saying we were their rolemodels, which made us feel pretty shitty. Who would've thought that in this past year, where we discovered the likes of my chemical romance (Gerard Way 3 ) and thirty seconds to mars (and jared leto for that), that you guys were still hankerin' for more! So we've come to an agreement that in two weeks, when we go to Wales together, we are going to continue RINGRING, and all of the chaos within! We're talkin' updates everyday more or less for a week as an apology to you guys. Thanks for understanding (hopefully ;) ) and still supporting us 3

From a heart broken and depressed Pancake m(_ _)m

And a still sexy flapjack xD *Flapjack gets whacked over the head by Pancake*


	27. Flapjack and Pancake on the Train

*Flapjack and Pancake board the train headed for SWANSEA, WALES*

Flapjack: *In supposed welsh accent* I'm so excited to go to Wales!

Pancake: What accent is that?

Flapjack: ...Welsh...

Pancake: Oh dear

*Woman waddles over to the seat opposite, occupied by the hairiest bald guy you can imagine*

Fat Woman: excuse me, I've reserved these seats

Hairy Man: Oh, sorry madam, I'll move

Fat Woman: I DONT WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS I'M JUST TELLING YOU I BOOKED THEM!

Hairy Man: I'm moving?

Fat Woman: People like you are the reason I moved out of Wales

Flapjack: WHY 'AYE

Pancake: FLAPJACK THAT'S NOT WELSH!

Hairy Man: I don't appreciate your racist comments

Pancake: you're insulting my welsh heritage!

Whole Train: Welsh heritage?

Pancake: MY POINT EXACTLY!

Flapjack: oh...that would explain why your family live in Wales I guess?

Pancake: oh no, none of my family live in Wales; I just go because I like the rain.

Flapjack: Seriously?

Pancake: NO!

Hairy Bald Guy: Ooo... Fight! Fight! Fight!

Flapjack: Oh, she ordered a chicken burger but got BEEF!

Fat Woman: you're insulting yourself?

Flapjack: Shut up and sit in the seats you booked, tubs.

Fat Woman: EXCUSE ME?

*Trolley Lady wheels over*

Trolley Lady: Do ya wanna bag of peanuts?

Flapjack: Do they contain nuts?

Trolley Lady: *checks label* ...Yes...

Flapjack: Oh, no thanks then.

Trolley Lady: Do you wanna coke, love?

Pancake: No thanks, I hate fizzy drinks.

Trolley Lady: Ah, fair enough, here's some fizzy water.

Pancake: ...Thanks.

*Two familiar men (Edward and Jacob) in men in black outfit appear and sit next to Flapjack and Pancake*

Flapjack: *Whispers* I think they're staring at us.

Pancake: How can you tell? They're wearing sunglasses.

Flapjack: It's my women's intuition

*Flapjack starts to feel up Jacob's muscles*

Flapjack: have I touched you up before? You feel familiar...

Mysterious Stranger/Jacob: uhm...

Pancake: So, How old are you, mysterious stranger?

Mysterious Stranger/ Edward: Err... Seventeen.

Pancake: Too young for me.

Edward: Wait! I'm a hundred really! How old are you anyways?

Pancake: Mentally or Physically?

* Other 'Mysterious Strangers' in suits and sunglasses appear.*

Flapjack: I'm getting a weird sense of déjà vu.

Pancake: is that what your 'woman's intuition' is telling you?

Flapjack: damn right, my ovaries are doing summersaults at the moment!

Pancake: stop being paranoid, the world doesn't revolve around you and your ovaries.

Flapjack: That's where your wrong, sister.

_**Pancake's Note**_** – Well, I'm writing my note since Flapjack has given herself the name SEXY on Pokémon so everyone on the game calls her that. E.g. 'Hi SEXY, I've been waiting for you.' So our year long hiatus is over and we're back with a vengeance. Being here with my grandparents has really gave us some inspiration, for example the fizzy drink joke. We are only here for four days, so we're jam packing everything in. We are also now giving you the option to ask any of the Ring Ring! Cast some questions, all you have to do is write your question in your review of Ring Ring! And we'll do our best to answer it at the end on the next chapter, thanks for being so patient with us lazy arses and we hope you enjoy the Welsh adventures of the Ring Ring! Characters! **

_**NB – A chapter a day thingy went down the crapper, Wales was just too fun and too much happened to be written down so we'll be going back to our normal routine I guess, except next week I'm going to Stratford-upon-Avon (Don't know it? Look it up!) so there will be a lack of chapter that week. On a brighter note, I'm starting a journal about Pancake and Flapjack on - .com/ . So if you're interested, have a peek, or if you're bored shitless, either's good ;). Goodbye from your favourite half of Flapjack and Pancake (Denial is not just a river in Egypt...)**_

_**~~~~Pancake ~~~~**_


	28. Bella Calls Nessie Return of F & P

**Pancake – I'm on my lonesome for now, just noticed the e-mail didn't come up on the last chappie so here it is again - .com/ - hopefully it won't delete. Anyways, on with the show... I'm so lonely *sob***

_Bella calls Nessie_

Nessie: Hello?

Bella: How's my loch ness daughter?

Nessie: Not good... Jacob's gone weird.

Bella: Sorry, how is that different from normal?

Nessie: Oi! He's gone all... mysterious.

Bella: So has Edward!

Nessie: Hmmm...

Edward: Hey, dear.

Bella: Are you cheating on me?

Edward: Wait, what?

Bella: I knew this day would come! Who is it? Oh God! Just 'cause you got kicked out of the picture when Nessie came along!

Nessie: Don't bring me into this.

Edward: Woah! Don't go all New Moon on me. I've just been looking for a pair of important people.

*Obnoxious fanfare starts up, two people wearing silver capes enter on a were-snail, with baton twirlers around them*

Flapjack: We're back, bitches!

Pancake: Thought, you'd escaped did ya?

Bella: God, no...

Nessie: Anything but this!

Pancake: Well, that's a bit rude.

Flapjack: Totally.

Edward: I'm glad to see you guys.

Flapjack: Stop being an arselicker.

Jacob: Flapjack?

Bella: WTF! Where did you come from?

Jacob: my Flapjack senses were tingling.

Pancake: That's not weird at all.

Jacob: I know right!

Pancake: ... Anyway, it was the fans that brought me here and nothing else.

Edward: What about me?

Pancake: Fuck off.

Flapjack: For me it was all those fans who were gracious enough to patiently wait all those goddamn years for us, they waited through wind and rain, all the hardships you could imagine... *emotionally breaks down*

Pancake: For Christ's sake, get up woman! You're the one with the ideas; I'm nothing but a Manga freak now.

Flapjack: I'm sorry, it's just so hard! *hugs Jacob and feels up muscles at same time* so... familiar.

Nessie: What's happening, I can't see through the phone!

Bella: I think your husband is being raped by a breakfast food.

Nessie: Can't say I didn't see it coming, but can't somebody stop her!

Pancake: Pancake to the rescue! *holds up picture of Shannon Leto* Here girl! Come on! Over Here!

*Flapjack follows poster to where Pancake puts it on the wall and then sits there staring at it.*

Pancake: mission success, now Cullen family, I think we have some catching up to do...

Cullen Family: *GULP*

**Oooooh two chapters, one day. *fist pump* question time will start next chappie, in the meantime, we have to catch up with the Cullens, expect face rapes on Jacobs, love attacks on Carlisle and taking the piss outta Bella. Sounds like more fun than a barrel of Flapjacks. See ya next time, chickadees! : O)**


End file.
